Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
