I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
