so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
