Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
North Korea, Best Korea!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found a bag of teeth...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize