Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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