Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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