I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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