It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize