I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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