saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
