then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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