I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize