I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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