so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't deserve a penis
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
