why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
