Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
