so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
