I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
