she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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