just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
