I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
