Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
