Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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