What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
