at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
