who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
