i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
