just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
