who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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