thus making me awesome and them whores
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
