whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
