i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I met the friendliest cop last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
