Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
