capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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