This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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