I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
