I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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