Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
