found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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