Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
