He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
