Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
