I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
