Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
