whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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