there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
