Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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