you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
