these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
