I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
