if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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