She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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