i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
