i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
