I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
