u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your penis caused this!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
