I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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