I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
