my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
