...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All the doctor said was why
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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