I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
