You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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