I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i out mim tonsoeep
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