I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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