I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
