so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
